Five years after her first marriage ended, Lisa Copeland married for a second time in 2007, believing she\’d finally found the one.
Though the marriage also ended in divorce two years later, it taught her a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work — so much so that she launched a career as a dating coach for women over 50 in the wake of the split.
Below, she reflects on all she learned in a letter to the woman she was on the eve of her second wedding.
Hey there Lisa,
You\’re 52 years old and today you\’re getting married for the second time. It\’s been a year since you met this man online only hours before he was planning on leaving the dating site. To you, this will feel like a sign that your relationship was meant to be.
Upon meeting, the two of you will have an instant chemistry that opens both your hearts for the first time in a long time. Within three months, you\’ll get engaged and the wedding plans will begin.
You\’ll know there are issues. You don\’t have similar communication styles and though that concerns you, the chemistry feels so magical that you walk right past this red flag. You think that once you are married, things will change.
You\’ll love planning the wedding because your mother planned your first wedding and everything about the wedding was about her not you.
Unfortunately, my dear Lisa, you\’re so focused on creating the wedding of your dreams that when things are rocky and he offers the idea that maybe the two of you should reconsider, you are totally against it.
The two of you love each other and have great sexual chemistry but a friendship is missing and you\’re unable to deal with issues together. The relationship will not thrive and grow. You\’ll try and fix what\’s wrong in the marriage, which will end up pushing him further away.
Out of a deep love for each other, thanks to the bonding chemistry you share, you\’ll start couples counseling yet very little gets accomplished. The sessions will leave you both exhausted, drained and further apart than ever.
Your marriage will feel strained and on the night of your second anniversary, you\’ll look him in the eyes and say, “If I could give you a gift, it would be the gift of communication so we could work through our issues.” And he\’ll tell you, “If I could give you a gift, it would be that you find a man who makes you happy.”
These words will end up sending you on a journey of discovery about yourself, why your relationships in the past failed and what makes men really tick. Everything you learn during this time will help you get the relationship you\’ve always wanted — the one you have right now — where you connected with a man that\’s good for you on all levels.
You\’ll see how this relationship changes your life for the better and you\’ll want to teach other women online how to make their dream of finding love after 50 come true. When women write, telling you what a difference you\’ve made in their lives, you\’ll look back and think of the men and failed relationships that got you to where you are today in your business and personal life and you will be happy and grateful for what you\’ve learned.
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