Believe it or not, I might actually have my divorce finalized in 2016! It’s a fairly simple divorce, yet it’s all been the most drawn-out divorce that I know of. We have been separated for 20 months now. It’s time.
The truth is, it took awhile for us to cut the cord and call the final shots. And once the trigger was pulled, it seemed it took forever to get the paperwork in. Either way, the light is nearing the tunnel, and I can safely say that throughout this divorce, I have done a solid job in getting my life together for myself and for my kid. I feel proud of how I have handled this at times, gut-wrenching experience, but there are mistakes I have made along the way that if I were to have to do it again, (EGADS!) I would do a few things differently. Live and learn, and try as I might, I have made my mistakes but overall, I have tried my best to move forward and I will be damned if I make the same mistakes in love again.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I am learning and growing. The life I have now is a much happier life than I had during the last two years of my marriage, and I am proud to say — “this is me and this is my life.” For the next man in my life, you are getting a stronger, sexier, more confident and more independent woman by far.
Still, I can’t grow if I can’t look back and see changes that need to be made and so for 2016, here are some things I will be doing differently in 2016 in my official divorced life:
I can’t control everything. My ex and I will parent differently. I need to let stuff go as most of the times, it’s not worth the trouble and even if it is worth the trouble, nothing good is accomplished. It’s not worth it. And if something is said to push my buttons, I’ve got to let it fly.
Caring less is the way to go sometimes because most of the times, the person seeking the reaction gets off on your unhappiness. Why give the person the satisfaction?
2- Doing Things Separately
It’s nice to do things together when mandatory for the kids’ sake, but it’s called divorce for a reason and I realized that for us, doing things separately is better for all involved unless mandatory. Would it be nice if it weren’t this way? Sure, and in time it will be better but for now, it’s better to have some space and focus on our kid and keep things as low-stress as possible. I am okay with this. Having space is good for both parties to move forward.
3- Going Out More — Online Dating Less
Online dating is not fun for me. I prefer going out and talking to people face-to-face. I am very social. Why not show off my “outgoingness” and make friends and potential dates by going out with friends or joining MeetUp groups rather than aimlessly Tindering and Bumbling through online murkiness?
4- It’s Okay
Realizing it’s okay I am divorced. Sh*t happens. There are worst things to happen in this lifetime.
When my daughter is with my ex, it is still so hard. I have to find a way to sit with these feelings and if need be, make something magical come out of those emotions whether it’s meeting a new friend or working on my book.
Life is never going to be clean. It will always be messy, but if we understand how to polish it up after the party or war is over, we will always come out sparkling and this blonde is ready to shine!
Happy New Year!
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