14 Things You Can’t Really Know About Marriage Until You’re Divorced

People who go through divorce usually come out the other side a lot wiser about love and relationships. 

That’s certainly true of HuffPost Divorce readers. Below, our bloggers and followers on Facebook reflect on the hard-won lessons they picked up while divorcing.

1. “I didn’t realize it means nothing if someone can talk the talk but not walk the walk in your marriage. Vows are just words and energy expelled into air — it’s the actions that define the marriage. Saying I love you means zilch if the person saying it doesn’t make you feel loved.” — Laura Lifshitz  

2.Loving and marrying someone doesn’t mean that you have to continually perform for them to earn their love and respect. I am worthy of love and respect for just being the man that I am and furthermore, bad treatment is never acceptable.” — Matt Sweetwood


4. “In a good marriage, you need to have the freedom to be yourself, to have and hold differing points of view, and most importantly, to know that compromise doesn’t mean that one person wins and the other person loses.” — Ellis Bell

5. ”Love isn’t always enough.” — Susan R. Grace 

6. “I learned that getting into a co-dependent relationship is the worst thing you could ever do to yourself. Learn to be your own person, do your own things and never need to depend on anyone.” — Jess Gottschalk 

7. “Until I got divorced, I didn’t know how many of our friends were actually friends of my marriage. In other words, they were friends of both my wife and myself. Some felt they had to choose sides, but I have made a conscious effort to reach out to many and now the bonds with my friends are stronger than they’ve ever been.” — Chad Stone 


9. “Divorce wasn’t some grand epiphany but I learned to be honest with myself and those around me about the things I already knew.” — Cindy Withjack 

10. “Fight as hard as you can. Don’t give up until you know both sides are done trying.” — Tiffany Schuldt Elwood 

11. “Divorce is hard. Marriage is harder.” — Pamela L. Smith


13. “Marriage is a constant merging of all the little moments, not so much the big ones. At all times you are either adding to the marriage with good intention, humor, kindness, support and warmth — or you are eroding it with criticism, resentment and impatience.” — Susan Sommercamp

14.Ending a marriage takes guts. It’s not always the easy way out. So many people are just holding on and going through the motions, settling out of fear even when they know they aren’t receiving the love they need. They’re patting themselves on the back when they know it isn’t right. Getting a divorce takes guts.”  – Merry Ann 

More From HuffPost:

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s