Why Facebook Stalking Your Ex Is Totally Sapping Your Mojo

Facebook stalking your ex isn’t doing you any favors.

What’s the old saying? Curiosity killed the cat. Curiosity may have killed the divorcee too.

Yes, we are all curious about what our ex is up to. Humans are curious. It’s part of our DNA.

Curiosity can be a good thing. Isn’t curiosity what motivated us to send men to the moon and explore space? Yes, curiosity and wonder may be the reason for some of mankind’s greatest moments. It can also amp you up and set off an unhealthy obsession to stalk your ex online.

It starts out with a few random searches. You can’t stop. You are suddenly a Chardonnay-fueled Sherlock Holmes. You check his friend’s updates. Their party photos. Who’s connected. Who’s new. You spend hours obsessing and recreating the details of what he’s probably been up to.

It’s your brand new hobby. And it’s so not good. Here’s why.

First of all. You are both supposed to be moving on with your life.

He’s dating and rebuilding his life. That’s the plan. If he’s got a new life, new wife, girlfriend or whatever, that’s what he’s supposed to be doing.

Things on Facebook aren’t always what they seem.

How many people do you know whose life looks amazing on Facebook but in real life are utterly miserable? Probably more than you can count. We all post the good stuff. The flattering pictures. Amazing beach vacations. Party with friends. Photos of our perfect family.

Few people have the courage to post a photo of them wallowing in despair and sweat pants on the couch. As the saying goes, don’t believe everything you see on Facebook.

You’ll keep the hurt going.

The longer you keep the connection to your former spouse, the longer the hurt will go on. Find the courage and break the tie. The more you are confronted with images of him, the more he stays in the forefront of your thoughts.

If you both share friends on Facebook, consider hiding their updates from your feed. You don’t have to actually Unfriend them but by hiding their updates you won’t be reminded of their connection to your ex.

If that’s too hard, think about taking a Facebook break.

I took a few weeks off to settle my head and heart. Taking a break gave me space to examine my own thoughts. It helped give me some breathing room. (I love Facebook so it was really difficult!) When I got back on, I felt more in control of my own social media exposure and less likely to check up on what he was doing.

Instead of stalking your ex on Facebook, spend that time building your own amazing life.

What can you do with those extra hours? Go to the gym? Go on a date? Try a new Meet-up group? Spend time with friends? Even binge watching your favorite shows are better than obsessing about why your Ex’s life looks more exciting than yours does.

Whatever you do, stop Facebook stalking your ex and find something new to do with your time. You will be saving yourself countless hours of heartache.

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